Today I hit on a girl and it was terrifying

Just ten minutes ago I hit on a girl and it was terrifying. It was the first time I’ve done that in a while. But when the ordeal was over I felt kind of refreshed and exhilirated and proceeded to create this blog (I would have preferred a blogspot account but as always happens some douchebag registered “shesaidno” there and doesn’t even make use of it.)

In couple of weeks I will be 23 years old. I am a virgin. I would estimate this to be the 20th time I’ve ever hit on a girl in my entire life. One time one of those come-ons worked and I landed a girlfriend for a month. I never got further than second base. And she was actually kind of pretty facially speaking but bodily chunky as well–a combination I certainly don’t mind. I never got further than second base with her though and after a month or so the relationship was over. This was a consequence of my always feeling anxious around her and my unavoidably weirding her out with my beta status.

Since then (it’s been three years) I’ve been in the position of merely desiring to have a girlfriend but not really wanting to do anything about it–not wanting to go through the process of getting rejected and the stinging humilation that I inevitably feel when I hear that “no.” But, being somewhat familiar with online PUA websites I always hear that landing women is a numbers game–that, if you an average male, the majority will reject you but you will find success if you persist.

Oddly enough in the 20 or so times I’ve been rejected I’ve never had a girl treat me contemtuously. Except one time–and it turned out that she was a model. (Actually all I did was try to make conversation with her and she responded coldly. )

But never mind all that–let me talk the rejection I received TODAY.

I am at my college’s library and I try to get on a computer terminal but they’re all taken. So I circle the computer area for a while hoping that someone will get up when this girl tries to get my attention and let’s me know that she’s getting up and I could take the computer. From the distance, she seems kind of pretty–and as she goes back to her desk it occured to me that I should ask for her for phone number.

So I get back up and start walking around trying to find the courage to approach her. I pump myself up to go for it and start walking towards her desk but I merely pass by, such is my crippling fear. But it also occured to me that she was in the “quiet study” area, thus making me more nervous about talking to her. Also there were several people sitting near her and I didn’t want them to witness my likely rejection. All of this occurs to me in the span of a couple of seconds and I just keep walking.

Then I hit upon the idea of using my cellular phone and merely presenting her with the text of my come-on. So I whip out my cell and type “You are gorgeous and you should give me your number.”

I start walking towards her again and see that I’ve entered her peripheral vision and I see her staring out at me from the corner of her eye–my heart starts beating faster and I come up to her and hand her my phone.

She reads it.

I don’t say anything lest the people nearby hear my attempt at pickup and lest I violate the library’s “be quite” urging. She says “thank you” and seems flattered.

I stand there knowing full-well that I have that deer-stuck-headlights look, and when I hear her say “no” (adding “but thank you!”) I feel embarrased and relieved.

According to PUA wisdom, the number of girls you approach matters. I would not have pursued this girl if she gave me her number because, as I got a close up look of her face, it turned out that she was exceedingly plain. Still, she was decent practice! I need to hear more “no’s” so that I become accustomed to the majority of rejections I will inevitably receive in pursuit of the fraction that might say yes.

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